Why Your Managers Are Like Your Parents

But that doesn’t mean you accept it.

Your manager is a lot like one of your parents – you get what you get.
I would know; I’ve been both. Sometimes I was good at it, and sometimes I sucked at it – to the detriment of my kids and my direct reports.
I’m sure many of us would have similar examples.

When I was 19, I did a summer internship at an FM radio station (anyone remember radio??) My manager, Hilary, ran the news department – that’s how you got into radio. It was the classic, “If you don’t have experience, kid, you can’t go on air.” But how do you get the experience if you can’t get the work? You do an internship in the news department, get your foot in the door, and go from there.

Hilary was a great manager.
Early on she took me aside and said, “Dave, you seem like a nice kid. You probably grew up in a nice home, with nice parents, who noticed when you did well.”
I nodded.
“Well,” she said, “it doesn’t work that way here.”
I was confused, a bit shocked, and even disappointed.

She explained: “I’ll certainly let you know when you’re doing well and when you need to improve. But if you’re waiting for others to notice you or offer you an opportunity, you’ll be waiting a long time. It’s nothing personal. They’re just busy with their own work, their own lives, relationships, family, kids, etc. They may not have time to think about you.”
“So, in short: If won’t ask, you won’t get.”
At 19, I received some great career advice.

Your manager is like one of your parents: You get what you get.
So if you’re not getting what you want or what you need from them, speak up! Don’t go passive on me. Don’t say, “I tried once, and it didn’t work out.” Unless your manager says, “You ask for that one more time, and you’re fired!”, ask again. And if they don’t respond, ask again. And again.

No one knows what you want and what you need better than you do.
So ask for it.
What other option do you have?
You get what you get, right? But that doesn’t mean you have to accept it.